There are many challenges we may need to face as we get older, but there’s one that most people don’t expect: loneliness.
There are lots of reasons why we can find ourselves feeling alone in mid-life – maybe we’ve focused on building a career, perhaps we’ve moved home or changed and outgrown old relationships. Friendships don’t always end suddenly and dramatically; we can just drift apart from people, or our social circle can be reduced through life changes like illness or divorce.
Whatever the reason, loneliness in your 50s isn’t just common, it’s considered to be a looming health concern. So what can you do to combat loneliness in later life? Building connections in your 50s and beyond is easier than you may think. And, as you probably know yourself and what you want better than you did when you were younger, it’s arguably much more rewarding.
To help you make and nurture new relationships, we’ve put together some tips for you on how to make friends in your 50s.
Recognise the importance of friendship
The first step in making friends at any age is to recognise the importance of friends. When we value something, it’s easier to put the effort in to attaining it. And there are many, many good reasons for making new friends.
We know that having friends to laugh with, confide in, and share activities with adds richness to our daily life. But also offers much more. Research has found that strong social connections are linked to better mental and physical health, and can help to reduce the risk of cognitive decline, and even help you to live longer (and have more fun while you do).
And the good news is that you don’t need to go out and get to know dozens of new people, if that’s not something you want. You can get just as much enjoyment and benefit from building a meaningful connection with one or two people.
Make yourself more likeable
Some people find making friends easy, while for others it’s painful and difficult; almost like a social language they’ve never learned. So how can you increasing your chances of making new friends if it doesn’t come naturally to you? The answer could be easier than you think.
According to research by Dr Van Sloan the key to boosting your likability could be as simple as liking others. When he conducted research in schools, one question he asked the children was who they liked. He found that the most popular kids had the longest list of other children they liked. He also noticed that they had lots of ‘micro moments of liking’ throughout the day – greeting other children and being nice.
So if you want to make new friends, open your heart to others first. Looking for things to like in other people, and be friendly. If you come across as approachable, kind and nice, you may find that you naturally draw people to you.
Be yourself
As well as being likeable, it’s important that you are yourself. Don’t think that making yourself more popular means you need to adopt a new personality. It’s just about opening your heart and mind up to other people.
You need the people you do become friends with to see the real you – otherwise you’ll find the time you spend with them exhausting and empty. Be yourself and attract people who like and get on with you, and whose company you in turn will enjoy.
That’s not to say that, along the journey of making friends you will notice parts of your personality that people connect with, and others that you struggle with. And you may chose to lean into one, and find ways to lessen the other. There’s always room for personal growth at any age. But you should always feel like you are being your real self, and making connections with people who see and like you for who you are.
Be proactive in widening your social circle
If you sit in at home day after day, you’ll struggle to meet people you might want to pursue a friendship with. So be proactive in looking for opportunities to widen your social circle. We share ideas here on how to grow your community in your 50s and beyond, including:
- Pursue your interests
- Find local groups
- Volunteer
- Get to know your neighbours
- Re-connect with old friends
- Be open to ‘odd couple’ friendships
You might be surprised at how many opportunities there are to meet new people once you start exploring.
Nurture your friendships
Part of making and keeping friends is being a good friend yourself. And that means being thoughtful, putting effort in and sometimes taking the initiative. Small gestures can go a long way, and help build mutually caring bonds.
Here are some ideas for nurturing a friendship:
- Sending messages to check in if you haven’t seen them for a while
- Checking up on them after important meetings or events
- Remembering their birthday and other important milestones
- Initiating meet-ups and suggesting activities you can do together
Friendships thrive on consistency. The more you invest in showing up and being present, the deeper you’ll find your connections growing.
Step outside your comfort zone
Sometimes, building and nurturing friendships can require you to step outside your comfort zone. Go along to a new group, say yes to invitations, try things that scare you and initiate conversations with strangers. It might mean risking rejection or adopting new habits.
You might feel awkward at first, but remember that most people appreciate friendliness. Many others in their 50s are looking for the same thing you are – companionship and connection. And only by overcoming any fears of the new can you reap the rewards of a wonderful friendship.
